This month I would like to talk about a subject matter of which everyone can relate. It’s a subject that we all should know very well because we live with it every second of the day and night.

This happens to be a topic that every single child should be taught from an early age to study, decipher and observe with objectivity and with deep love and affection. Unfortunately, most of us have not really been shown how to view it with care, respect, and complete non-judgement. Are you ready for the big reveal? I’ll let you in on it and you can see for yourself if my words ring true.

It’s YOU. I’m not talking about the person who has a specific name. I’m not referring to the you that is a lawyer, or a bus driver, or a maintenance technician. I don’t want to talk about the you who identifies as a brother, a mother, or an uncle. I want to have an honest conversation about the you who incarnated on this beautiful blue planet as a perfectly imperfect person. The very soul who entered the world as a soft and innocent child. The one who started this life full of purity and possibilities. The person who deserves no ill will to be visited upon them but learned quickly how to be unfairly judged and mistreated, often by the ones who were tasked with giving you safety and unconditional love. The very spirit who came into the world as a perfect example of Creators conscious expression but was tricked out of knowing the truth by an endless parade of elders who conspired to dominate and control you. And yes… the very you who came into existence with amnesia of the love from whence you came but with an unconscious desire to return.

So how do we return? Well, as Earthlings we certainly have a shelf life, be it 5 minutes or a hundred years, so there’s no doubt we will one day return. Ashes to ashes and all that stuff so to speak. The question concerning the secret to life has as many answers as there are people on the planet so I’ll give you one guy’s opinion so you’ll know where I’m coming from. I feel deeply that as a spiritual being our higher self already has complete knowledge and understanding about the secrets of the universe and beyond. Even though this knowledge is extensive, it still is only conceptual not experiential. In other words, the soul knows it, but hasn’t lived it.

Now let’s get back to you and I, shall we? I also feel strongly that on a soul level we know we are pure love and infinite consciousness. Our myriad trips to Earth as incarnate souls is a gift we give ourselves so we may know through experience, the full scope and understanding of that from whence we came. “And how do we do this” you may ask, I believe this is accomplished through relationships. Most importantly relationships with other people, but also relationships with pets, birds, rocks, and everything else that comes into our awareness while we’re on this journey. For the sake of this article I would like to concentrate on the relationships we have with other people. For the most part, we don’t have too many issues with the way we relate to trees, and kittens; it’s our domineering spouse, the pervert at work, or a nosy neighbor that gives us the greatest challenge.

It’s been said many times through many teachers that relationships are mirrors from which we may look at ourselves. I had to hear this for years before I gained a greater understanding of what this meant and how I could apply it to myself. Here’s my take on it so far and I think I’m really onto something…

Since the day we were born we took on an unbelievable amount of thoughts and feelings about ourselves. Some are about how wonderful we truly are, but many thoughts are about the lies we tell ourselves that make us feel bad about ourselves. Here’s where my thoughts become much more esoteric and whoo-whoo. The universe, in reality, is not stars, planets, and cosmic dust. These are things that have been dreamt up by the co-creative energy of you and I and all the other truly formless levels of consciousness set in motion by Creator. Everything we have or ever will experience is called upon by us from the pure potential of All That Is. To put it bluntly, we’re simply conjuring all of it up to create a stage for ourselves to act out what we know conceptually so we may in the end, also know it experientially.

At this time, you may be feeling that this idea is pretty far out there. You may also be pondering what all this has to do with the jerk across the street or all the losers you seem to date, and all I can say is that it has everything to do with them. The people in your life have one thing in common, they all have a relationship with you. They all have come into your experience to play various roles so you may find your way back to the pure love from whence you came.  The trick to using this knowledge with greater efficiency is to realize that every event and every relationship in your life has been drawn to you, by you. Sometimes consciously but the vast majority we draw to ourselves by the creative endeavors of the higher self. I’ll call this the spirit self or the part of us that remains attached to the other side of the veil. Remember, this is the part of our consciousness that knows all and sees all. It is our god-self and it is without judgements and fears or emotions of any kind. It is completely objective and it knows what it’s doing. It knows the experiences we planned for ourselves before we incarnated and it knows how to arrange people, places, and things into our created reality for our highest purpose.

Now, back to this idea that relationships are mirrors for us to look at ourselves. To keep the concept simple, let’s use a few examples, shall we? Let’s say we have a woman who is kind and gentle, a really good person. She may be fifty years old but has never really had a successful relationship with a man. Every time she has a chance at romance it soon turns abusive. There seems to be a never-ending string of men who put her down and make her feel small and insignificant. They say things that make her feel stupid and unworthy. From her point of view, she is simply unlucky in love and feels that there are no good men in the world. She may even say that single guys are jerks and all the good ones are taken and so the pattern repeats over and over again. The names of the men change but a familiar pattern continues. Let’s not judge her for her choices but let’s examine the dynamics a little closer. If we were to delve into her past with greater clarity we would certainly find that there were people in her earlier life who put her down and destroyed her self-esteem and her self-worth. They made her feel useless and unworthy at a time in her life when she was young, vulnerable and naive. She didn’t have the knowledge and skills to see through this game of domination and control so she grew up believing all the lies that were forced upon her. As an adult, these non-truths have become so engrained in her mind that she doesn’t realize she has a choice in how she views herself. On an unconscious level, she draws to herself the men who can enter her experience and reinforce to her the belief she has about herself. You may be asking how such a person can break this cycle and the answer is for this woman to change her mind about how she feels about herself. When Bill enters her life and mistreats her, there is only so much energy his higher self is prepared to give to her experience. If she doesn’t find her voice and discover her worth the time with Bill will be over and Ryan will enter her life. He plays a similar role for her in a slightly different manner in the hope that she will get it this time. If not, the game will continue with a new fellow. Here you may see that all of these relationships are indeed reflecting back to her, the way she truly feels. If in the future she changes the belief she has about herself she will then see that she is in fact worthy of love. She will see her self-worth and her ideas will begin to change. Along with that, her experiences will evolve and for the first time she will draw to herself men who are much more kind and see her for the love she truly represents and the way these men treat her will mirror the new truth she has about herself.

Let’s use another example. Ted is a man who works in your office. He is the type of fellow that keeps people walking on egg shells because of his unpredictable anger. From his point of view, he is a good guy but he feels everyone around him is somehow less intelligent than him. He has the idea that the only reason he gets so angry is because of everyone’s stupidity. He’s just trying to get through the day but he has to deal with all these idiots. Here again, if we could peer into Ted’s past we may discover that his mother was the type of person who could never be satisfied. She would say things to little Teddy that made him feel less intelligent than her. Through years of this abuse Ted grew up with the unconscious belief that he was stupid. This set him on a course of constantly absorbing knowledge through books, documentaries, and college. He has trained himself to feel that he stands above all those around him and if others can’t match his education and intelligence then they are unworthy of his attention. He sees his co-workers as a nuisance and treats them with distain. So how is the relationship with his peers a mirror for Ted? Well, his over-inflated ego makes him feel superior so in his reality he draws to himself “idiots” to reinforce his beliefs. If one day Ted sees how harmful his anger really is he may have a chance to look within himself objectively. He would then find that his ego has grown out of control and with some honest effort to find the cause he will eventually see it clearly and set himself on a course of emotional healing. All the sudden everyone around him won’t seem so bad and friendships with the office staff can begin.

Please don’t think that I have a gloomy outlook on humanity. It’s quite the opposite. I see how every one of us is on our own divine journey and I try everyday not to judge because I’m right in there with each and every one of you, having experiences and changing my beliefs. I also notice the countless times that we draw relationships to us for the positive thoughts we have. For example, I’m a jokester by anyone’s opinion and my workday if filled with laughter shared with my buddies. My relationship with them is my mirror. I believe I’m a fun guy so I have drawn into my experience those souls who reinforce the truth I hold about myself. Maybe you have a special pet in your life who conspires to cuddle up with you every chance she gets. This wonderful critter is reflecting back to you the feelings you hold that tell you that you are worthy to be loved.

And so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes, one relationship after another. Some for a minute, some for a lifetime, but each one has the ability to give you a peek into the truth you hold about yourself. When talking about relationships with others I am sometimes asked, “Why can’t I find a good woman or a nice man? What’s wrong with me”? My answer is always the same, “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect just the way you are. The only thing you need to change is your mind.” I realize this is often easier said than done, after all we didn’t get this way over night and changing a lifelong belief may take some force of will and a lot of practice but in the end the changing of the mind requires virtually no energy. It can be achieved while you’re lying quietly in bed or riding the bus. It can be done when you’re relaxing on the beach or talking with a friend. If you find that any situation in your life is having a negative effect on you. I urge you to discover the part of you that needs the experience. Go deep inside to the dark and scary places within your past and shine some light on them. Try to see it with objectivity and release the guilt and shame attached. Let it go. It works. I know because I’m seeing it in myself and you will too. For me this journey of self-discovery continues. I routinely examine the way in which I behave toward my lovely wife. If the treatment is negative, I seek within myself the reasons for my actions. On the other hand, I observe how she interacts with me because I know that she is providing the perfect reflection of how I view myself. In the grand scheme of things, the universe is really just an unbiased supply of neutral energy waiting for us to create our reality from it. It doesn’t give a hoot about how we use this energy. All it asks of us is “What will you have next”? If you choose to have a life of hardship, well, you got it. If you choose to feel you are kind and truly lovable then you will have many friendships. It’s all up to you so choose wisely and with as much consciousness as you can. After all, you’re not the victim of your life in any way, you’re the creator.

Peace friends, Patrick