The old saying goes that you do not know or understand someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
Reviewed by Rebecca Nidey
Everything I Need To Know I Learned In A Haunted House
While reading the book No Strings Attached: Your Journey to Unconditional Loving by author Ani Palacios I realized that sometimes you do not know yourself until you have done the same by looking at our lives through different eyes.
In her book Ani tells many stories that illustrate the fact that we do not always understand what love is, nor do we let it guide our lives. Along with the wonderful stories she also gives guidance on how to love others unconditionally and, more importantly, how to love ourselves in the same manner. Ani was gracious enough to answer some questions about her book and the philosophy behind it.
Becca: Ani, I was very intrigued with the idea that not all forms of love are actually love. Could you explain the difference between conditional and unconditional loving?
Ani: Let’s go back a little. When we choose to come and experience life as humans, and we are born, we are seamlessly connected to our divine self, our true self that is unconditional love; and we are also connected to the creator and every spiritual being in the creation. It is when we start to grow and incorporate ourselves to this world that conditioning and programming start to take place. People around you will use love as a currency, they trade “love” in exchange for you performing according to their rules. They are basically saying, “I do not accept you as you are.” And who you are is a spiritual being made of unconditional love who is here with a purpose. Can you imagine? It’s very offensive what we do to one another. We judge, we instill fear, we put conditions to offer a type of love that is not real because it’s not free, it comes with many strings attached.
As we grow, we start questioning ourselves. “Maybe I’m not worthy of love,” we say to ourselves based on what we’ve been told so many times; and those negative thoughts and feelings start to occupy such a large space in our lives that we tend to forget who we truly are.
But, here’s the thing: we are worthy. We all are.
In a world filled with darkness, fear and insecurity, we can all lead a joyful life within our own circumstances. There is no need to keep trapped in conditional love, tied up by so many strings of rules, judgement and fear, when you can find those strings, cut them, and finally be aware of your true self, of your true purpose in this life: to be love, to give love and to be open to receive love.
We are all spiritual beings wrapped in a human body. We are all co-authors of our life story. We are all created by love and within us there is an endless, bottomless, source of love waiting for us to wake up from a life of programming and walk into the open door of unconditional love.
Love without conditions. Can you imagine that? You have to try it to believe it is possible. Even in this time of darkness in the world, we are called to find our true loving self and start listening to that wonderful voice that wants nothing but unconditional love for us… Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we can give and receive love, no strings attached? It is there for you. It is possible.
Becca: It seems that the road to unconditional love may take changes in lifestyle and attitude that can be painful and scary. Could you please give a few examples of how to initiate and deal with these changes and why they are important?
Ani: The first thing you must do is recognize you may be living in a lie called conditional love. If it makes you cry, if it makes you beg for it, if it makes you jump through hoops, it is not real love and you need to get ready to let it go from your life.
Of course, better said than done. Many times the people we must place outside of our lives are family members, spouses or close friends. You don’t have to say anything, start by mentally walking away and little by little you’ll be able to detach until even if the person is in the same room with you they can’t hurt you any longer. And they can’t because you know who you are, you have discovered the truth about yourself and you have allowed your loving spirit to take over the day-to-day operation.
If you can, it’s nice and better to really physically remove yourself from situations that are offensive for your soul. Maybe have limited contact with the people who have hurt you, know when to terminate the conversation.
One very important suggestion is to surround yourself by people who do love you as you are, people who belong in your “tribe.” You’ll know who they are because you won’t feel pain around them, they may still tell you things as they are but they will be kind and loving and generous… They will make you smile, and that’s how you will know the connection is right for you.
Finally, make sure you locate and cut all the strings that keep you tied to the ground. Allow yourself to say, “It’s time to cut my strings and grow my wings.”
When you are ready, you may want to keep this pledge handy:
A commitment
I let go of the past and of the hold it had on me.
I forgive myself for taking so long to realize that the stories I’ve been told and the conditions I’ve been sworn to uphold do not serve me, as I don’t identify with them.
I resolve to let go of past “idealized images” of who I should be and how I should behave, and rather commit to the purpose of being able to look at myself and who I truly am in a loving and unconditional way.
I will dedicate my existence to offer unconditional love to the people in my life who want to receive it, and to joyously accept it from those who want to give it to me.
I am now free to fly and shine and to evolve into the real purpose for which I came to experience life as a human. Free to see I am love, I give love,
I am surrounded by love.
Becca: Falling back into the habits of conditional love appears to be almost like an addiction much like substance abuse in that it is hard to break the cycle and continue in the healthier lifestyle. Could you give your thoughts on this?
Ani: It is exactly like an addiction. Even when it hurts so bad, it is difficult to escape because we have been made to believe that this bad, horrible, situation is what we deserve. And we fall back into patterns, bad habits that lead us back to the moment when we decide we are not worthy of real love.
We’ve been programmed, and judged, and have lived in fear for so long that it’s difficult to break away from the pain, to replace negative emotions and horrible words with new positive ones. We need to be very conscientious of the fact that we are quick to believe all the bad things about ourselves but not the good things… When something bad happens it’s because we deserve it; but when something good happens, it’s a fluke… That doesn’t make sense, now, does it?
To break away for good you need to see yourself in a different light, you need to treat yourself in a loving way and be open to receive true and unconditional love –for many people this is the hardest part. Telling yourself, “I can do this,” keeping a positive journal for a while helps a lot. Also, making sure that you give away as much unconditional love as you possibly can –becoming one of the “good guys” will make you appreciate your new loving space even more.
Every once in a while something bad will happen to you and the immediate consequence will be that all the scars you thought had healed will suddenly start splitting apart and hurting and bleeding, that is when you have to be alert because your wounded ego will try to resurface and get back in charge of your life. If you let him, it will suck you right back into misery and self-pity. This is not what you were made for. This is not your true self. Being aware that this could happen and being prepared are the best ways to make those cycles get shorter and shorter with time.
Becca: What is the lesson or lessons that you feel the most important for the readers to take from your book?
Ani: You are in charge. You can choose. You are the co-author of your story. Your soul will give you what you want, so better choose wisely.
This is about evolving and separating from the darkness and insecurity of conditional love to move into the joy and freedom of unconditional love –move from a physical/material perspective of yourself to a spiritual/transcendent realm. We all have the ability to shift, grow, and change our perspective about absolutely everything when we take the leap of faith, let go of false control, and open up to our true selves, our divine selves, our loving selves.
Becca: Ani, do you have any current or future endeavors you would like to share with the readers such as books, radio or television shows, tours, etc.?
Ani: We have created a page on Facebook, No Strings Attached Nation, open to anyone who would like to share their story. I’m hoping that this will actually become a movement. People want to be happy; they just forget that they can choose the road to unconditional love or they can choose to stay in conditional love.
Of course, I’ll be looking for opportunities for other interviews and to speak and bring this message to others; and potentially some new books that will allow me to elaborate more deeply on the topic. Anyone interested can reach me at editor@pukiyari.com or 614-806-3559.
I highly recommend the book No Strings Attached: Your Journey to Unconditional Loving. Ani Palacios has written a guide book to teach us to love unconditionally and there can never be enough of that in the world.
About the Author:
Through her work on the investigative team for the Crawford County Illinois Ghost Hunters, Rebecca Nidey has an understanding of the paranormal, spiritual, and metaphysical worlds and how they work together.
Rebecca has trained in the Healing Touch technique (a form of energy healing). She is a certified Psychic Medium trained by Belle Salisbury, and she is a certified Paranormal Researcher.
Rebecca is the associate editor for Bellesprit Magazine and also writes a column titled Everything I Need To Know I Learned In A Haunted House. She has been a co-host of several radio programs for the Haunted Voices Radio Network and HeyZ Radio Network highlighting the Paranormal, metaphysical and literary fields.
To learn more about Rebecca or to schedule a reading you can contact her at https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.nidey.
