Is My Ex Thinking Of Me?

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8 Steps To Grounding Your Empathic Perceptions In Reality

In these fast paced and evolving times, many of us are developing telepathic, empathic and intuitive abilities. At the same time, life seems to be encouraging us to become less grounded rather than more.[1] If not careful, the ungrounded way we are conditioned to use our empathic abilities can lead to confusion or becoming stuck in a situation not knowing how to move forward or break free. So, whenever we are dealing with empathic ability and attempting to use it to make a decision about whether to move on from an ex-relationship there are certain steps we can take to ground our empathic perceptions in reality.

  1. Realize that there might be a bigger picture

While a telepathic individual might be able read someone’s thoughts that say “I hate algebra,” or a psychic surrogate might feel their stomach clench around someone who is doing algebra who is really stressed about it, an empath might be able to feel for or understand the bigger picture of why someone hates algebra and the deeper emotions that are going on beneath the surface. In other words, empathy helps a person to place themselves in the another person’s shoes.

Using a relationship as an example, let us say that Sara likes Joe. Sara and Joe enjoyed an intense romantic connection full of physical chemistry. Joe had a way of sweeping Sara of her feet with his many romantic declarations. However, all of a sudden Joe disappeared and Sara was left wondering what happened.

Sara could allow her borderline empathic abilities, frequent dreams about Joe, and feeling that he is thinking about her to guide her in making a decision whether to wait for him to come back around. However, she would have to take care to interpret what she picks up in a grounded light. Truly knowing what Joe is thinking/feeling and whether he will come around again involves more than just Sara relying on her dreams or sensations. And, without knowing the bigger picture, Sara could end up stuck in a negative cycle without knowing how to interpret when it is time to move on.

So, being able to see the bigger picture is an important first step to grounding our empathic perceptions in reality. To do this, Sara might want to research other situations where men have suddenly bailed on a relationship to understand more about the human psyche and psychology. The more we can learn about human behavior, the more we can pick things up about it. It is hard, after all, to intuit anything about the stock market if we know nothing about it. So, in similar fashion, it is difficult to use empathy to understand a bigger picture of human psychology if we don’t really understand the different types of behaviors, predispositions, and tendencies that affect people’s behavior and actions.

  1. Getting the ego and its projections out of the way

Using the situation of Joe and Sara again, in order for Sara to tune into Joe more deeply, Sara needs to take herself out of the picture or her ego will get in the way. True empathy is not about getting what our egos want for ourselves (in Sara’s case, for Joe to like Sara). It is about Sara understanding what is going on with Joe, being able to place herself in Joe’s shoes.

Too often, whether we should wait for an ex to return to us can end up based upon forms of projections, such as, “It was and intense relationship,” “He said saw himself spending a life with me,” or “He is my twin flame.” However, projection is not empathy; it is not truly tuning into another person. Projection is only projection. True empathy and understanding involves getting the ego out of the way in order to stand in Joe’s shoes to see and feel why he felt the sudden urge to back away.

  1. Let go of an all-or-nothing mindset

Having an all-or-nothing mindset is another predisposition that can interfere with a grounded approach to empathy.

If we use the example of Sara and Joe again, having an all-or-nothing mindset might be as simple as Sara assuming that Joe can feel one of two ways:

  1. Joe misses Sara and wants a relationship
  2. Joe wants nothing to do with Sara.

So, when taking a grounded approach to empathy, we need to be able to see the shades of grey and in-betweens or we will be riding a rollercoaster of emotions or perceptions that prevent us from seeing the total picture of how an ex might feel and why they pulled away (or don’t call). After all, in Sara’s situation there could be several possibilities:

  1. Joe did once care about Sara, but has fallen out of love.
  2. Joe ran away in fear. He sits by the phone obsessing on Sara, but is too afraid to call her.
  3. Joe misses Sara and wonders what it would be like to see her again. They shared some amazing times. But, he isn’t looking for anything heavy and prefers to leave that door closed.
  4. Joe likes the thrill of the chase and got swept up in moment. However, when the chase was over, he got bored. So, he is now off looking for another rush.
  5. Joe is a player who has feelings for multiple women. He fantasizes about all of them.
  6. Joe feels two ways about Sara. While he misses her and the chemistry they shared, on another level, he finds her too bossy to allow a relationship to develop into something more permanent.

For Sara, grounding her empathic perceptions in reality can help her understand that while Joe might think about her (and she might pick it up), it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a relationship, will “change,” or can offer a stable commitment (even if he should return to the scene). If Sara misinterprets what she picks up to mean he does want a relationship, this could block her from using their break up to evolve and grow.

  1. Let go of having a sense of entitlement

The manifestation movement has taught us to go for our dreams and have everything we want, (focusing our thoughts on being positive that we can receive it). While this isn’t all bad, in subtle ways (and if we are not careful) it can lock us into focusing on what we can attain for ourselves, which gets our ego all whipped up.

When people get too locked into this type of mindset, they can unintentionally use psychic or empathic ability to try to control or manipulate an outcome. In the process, relationships can inadvertently get turned into another form of acquisition. In essence, the ego becomes overly involved again, increasing the potential for us to misperceive a situation.

So, with Sara, if she can get beyond thinking about what she could gain or lose in order to truly understand Joe as a person (with imperfect behaviors and issues), then she can potentially heal herself and find peace of mind.

  1. Confront patterns of obsession

Obsession can commonly happen with individuals who are trying too hard to figure out what an ex might be thinking or feeling, or whether an ex will return. It can be a sign that our ego’s desire to attain what we want and to avoid pain has turned our desire to be empathatic into too much self-concern, need for control, or worry.

If you are feeling fear or obsession, try moving the energy from your mind to your heart. You can do this through allowing yourself to feel what you are afraid to feel or acknowledge (instead of thinking about how you can control or manage it). Allow yourself to face any feelings of rejection. You can also practice letting go of needing to know the outcome or trying to control it. If you drop your guard, you may be able to allow your empathy to move through you in a way you can allow yourself to experience the outcome you fear while having compassion for yourself.

  1. Let go of defensiveness

Sometimes, people may feel defensive when asked to approach what they feel or pick up in a grounded way. Again, the ego interferes and wants the outcome it wants (in Sara’s case, for her empathy to mean Joe is thinking of Sara and wanting a relationship). So, anything that threatens this from being true or which forces a person to confront their fear of having potentially been rejected can become something our ego will determine to protect us against.

For example, Sara starts obsessing about Joe in the middle of the day and it seems to happen for no reason. Instead of owning that it might be her own obsession and lingering desire to have a relationship with Joe, she starts wondering if this episode occurred because Joe was obsessing on her and she was empathically picking it up.[2] While there is sometimes potential for this to be true, it could also arise that Sara has been hypervigilant about her love situation, but her ego will not allow her to admit that, so it defensively insists that she doesn’t think about Joe at all. In truth, while Sara may not have been thinking about Joe moments before the episode occurred, he has been on her mind and she has been getting readings about him.

Sometimes, individuals who are defensive in this way may exhibit a pattern of attempting to deny or suppress negative emotional states, unable to trust their own emotions or body. Those who have an all-or-nothing mindset may have difficulty taking ownership of any type of thought or feeling they have. If we find ourselves reacting defensively in this way, we can take our power back and become more grounded through acknowledge that whether an emotion is ours or another’s, we feel it and allow it to process through our body and release. We can let go of trying to analyze too much whose emotion it is and simply acknowledge that we are experiencing and feeling it, regardless.

  1. Maintain healthy boundaries and respect the boundaries of others

Sometimes empathic ability, when it leads to obsession or too much psychic scrying[3], can represent a lack of spiritual hygiene. Yes, we all have empathy for a reason, but we also need some measure of privacy and respect for others’ privacy and boundaries.

Being in another person’s energy field too frequently or trying to figure out what they are thinking or feeling can become a little monitoring or invasive. It can also lead to the ego getting in the way and attempting to replace reality with another version of it. For example, in the case of Joe and Sara, yes, it might be true that Sara is picking up that Joe is feeling something for her. However, it could be he feels anxiety and wishes she would leave him alone.

  1. Practical testing to see if what you empathically intuit matches with reality

If it has been a while since you last heard from an ex, there is one sure way to test whether your perceptions that s/he is thinking of you matches with reality: Reach out and connect with the person who is on your mind. However, many empaths may be afraid to do this (being sensitive and dreamy types who feel pain and rejection more intensely) and may prefer to wait and see if an ex reaches out on their own.

Sometimes, even thinking about reaching out might be enough to awaken a person to a bigger picture. This is especially true if something feels not ‘right’ about reaching out or excuses why not to start coming to mind. Pay attention for whether another side of your intuition could be telling you that if you do reach out, your ex would likely ignore, reject you, or not be on the same page. However, if you can risk facing your fears, the worst thing reaching out will do is get closure if it is necessary. The best thing it can do is reignite a relationship where two people lost touch with each other. Most often, it might offer something in between.

With Sara, Joe might feel flattered she reached out and decide to give it a try again. Regardless, she needs to tread carefully, because Joe has shown a tendency to be inconsistent. If she is empathic in a grounded way, she will be able to feel that and feel for the fact that Joe might not be able to be the true love of her life.

So, as you expand and grow with practicing your empathy, try to balance your understanding of intuition with reasoning, practicality. Also, don’t be so afraid to let go of figuring out your ex a little. You never know, it might open the door to receiving something that can come into your life to be a whole lot more!


[1] Grounding is the ability to be calm and centered in our body. Busy-ness, distraction, multitasking, overthinking, trauma or having strong intuitive abilities, being disconnected from our emotions or ignoring our body, call all have an ungrounding effect, leaving us slightly out of body.

[2] To be fair, sometimes psychics will tell people this to make them feel less rejected: that they only feel obsessed over the people that have abandoned them because they are picking up the other person’s secret obsession with them (they just can’t handle the intensity of their feelings so they stay away).

[3] Trying to see or peep into the future or a situation using a divination tool.

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About Author

Mandy Peterson

Column: New World Healing | Mandy Peterson is a psychic visionary, empath, channel and EFT Practitioner. She is the author of the book I Am the Lotus, Not the Muddy Pond: Peace Through Non-conformity. Through her writing, Mandy seeks to spread a message of healing and peace and as it relates to a bigger picture or the collective consciousness.  For more information or to book a session, visit www.mysticmandy.com

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