I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, I Love You, Thank You!
Last month, I stood in the local post office, waiting to mail holiday items. The line was long and the energy was heavy as people were growing impatient with the annual ritual of waiting.
I noticed a lady in front of me who had a box addressed to a child, so I decided to strike up a conversation to help ease the slow passage of time.
“Mailing Christmas presents?” I asked. She turned and looked at me and replied, “Yes, to a grandchild I have yet to meet.”
Naively, I responded, “Oh, a new grandchild who lives far away?”
“No,” she responded, “to my 4 year old granddaughter who lives in the next county….long story.” The tears welled in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry; I thought maybe this was a first Christmas for a new grandchild.” I felt bad for her as she wiped the tears from her face.
“No, its ok,” she replied, “I’ve been dealing with this feeling for many years now, but it doesn’t get any easier. You see, my son and I are estranged due to a misunderstanding we had the year my dear granddaughter was born, and his way of retaliating is not allowing me to see her.”
“Oh wow, I am so sorry”
She looked into my eyes and said, “You have no idea how much hurt this has caused, but I will never give up on my son or my grandchild I have yet to hold. Every holiday and on her birthday, I send gifts from ‘grandma’ and in hopes she will know how much I have always loved her and that I will always love her.”
“Are your gifts ever returned?” I asked.
“No, my son always signs for them, but I have no idea what he does with them after that. For all I know, he throws them in the trash. I have no control over what he decides to do with the gifts, but in my heart I know I have made every effort to reach out and let him know that I am still here and will continue to love him no matter what.
"When he was young, he became very sick and his father and I thought we might lose him. I would have laid down my life for that little boy as he struggled to get well. I hated seeing him suffer. He was so young and I often questioned why he had to be so sick. I attended as many sporting events as my job allowed so I could make every moment count. I know I wasn’t the perfect parent, but who is, right?”
I nodded in agreement because as a parent I understood what she was feeling at a deeper level than most.
“Luckily, he made it through and has been very healthy since, which is such a blessing. Unfortunately, his father and I divorced when he was a teenager and he was hurt in the process. He was angry and confused and often lashed out. It definitely put a strain on our relationship, but I never stopped loving him. He was and is my life, my precious little boy that I almost lost many years ago. I love him more than life itself and would do anything to repair the damage that has been done.”
I was feeling her pain as I could feel a lump swell in my own throat.
“He got married years ago,” she continued, “and luckily he allowed me be a part of that celebration, but I’ve only seen him once since then. For some reason, he just couldn’t move beyond the misunderstandings we had in the past and when my granddaughter was born, he never even called to tell me. I found out from a mutual friend one day and my heart was crushed….no phone call, no text, no email, nothing. I tried to reach out and contact him, but he thwarted all attempts. That was his way of controlling our relationship, his last effort of rebellion, his way of getting the last word. But I will never give up loving him or my granddaughter for as long as I live!”
I noticed the line was moving and as each of us inched our way closer to the front of the line, I felt like I needed to reach out in some way.
“Have you ever thought this situation isn’t about you” I asked, as she stood silent. I knew she was wondering how this could NOT be about her and her mistakes as a parent.
“There are no coincidences and we are all here on this earth to learn lessons. Everything happens for a reason and we must understand the concept of ‘divine timing.’ This situation is all about his growth and his lessons. I get the feeling that you are a spiritual person and your faith is strong and so even though it hurts, you will make it through this situation. You know that God hasn’t left you and you know that he will get you through this, but your son still has his own lessons to learn. Love is all we have and love is all there is. He hasn’t learned that yet. He is still filled with hate, anger, revenge and rebellion. He is self centered and hasn’t grown spiritually enough to realize that it will eat him alive and create a diseased body if he doesn’t come to terms with his feelings and allow forgiveness. When he grows and realizes how much his actions have hurt his family that is when you will hear from him again, that is when he will reach out. Until then, you have to hold onto your faith and remain strong.”
She looked and me and said “Wow, I never thought about it that way, I thought this was all about me and things I had done wrong as a parent.”
I shook my head and said, “No, it’s all about him and his lessons in life.”
She gave me a hug and said, “Thank you!” It was now her turn at the postal counter and as she slid her package towards the clerk, she turned and looked at me one last time and said, “You have blessed me with your healing words and I will never forget your kindness. God bless you and I hope you have a happy holiday.”
As I left the post office that day, I knew I would probably never see her again. I also knew it was no coincidence that our paths crossed! For that brief moment, for whatever reason, our conversation served a soulful purpose.
As we embark on a new year, I encourage each of you to step back and review your relationships. Is there someone you need to call, some unfinished business that may be eating away at you? Do you need to mend a fence and truly forgive someone so you can be free to move on?
Put your ego aside and decide right here and now, that you will do whatever it takes to wipe your emotional slate clean, because in the end, all there is - is love.
I am reminded of the Ho‘oponopono mantra: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”
Wipe your slate clean and start fresh. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year!
If you are struggling with a wounded relationship, I have provided an EFT tapping script that may help! Remember to change the words to fit your personal situation so it resonates with you!
If you are unfamiliar with EFT, please visit my website or blog for more information.
www.tappingheals.com and www.calmingyourinnerstorm.com
Start with the Karate chop point.
Karate chop point:
"Even though I feel like a horrible person, I love and accept myself anyway”
"Even though I know I’m not perfect, I accept this feeling and everything it means to me”
"Even though my heart is heavy and I feel like this situation will never be resolved, I love who I am and everything I stand for”
EB: All this hurt
SE: All this frustration
UE: All the tears
UN: All the lost time
CH: Time we can never get back
CB: Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to shatter
UA: I just want these feelings to go away
HD: I don’t think I can cry anymore
WR: I want to go back to happier times
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the second round of tapping**
EB: I know everything happens for a reason
SE: But it’s not always easy to understand
UE: I don’t know how I would have made it without my friends and family
UN: They have been my rock through all of this
CH: I want to turn this around
CB: But I realize I am not in control of this situation
UA: I am in control my reactions
HD: I will hang onto my faith and remain patient
WR: As lessons are learned and lives are changed
** Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the third round of tapping**
EB: I will continue with my daily mantra
SE: I’m sorry
UE: Please forgive me
UN: I love you
CH: Thank you
CB: I’m sorry I hurt you
UA: Please forgive my actions
HD: Thank you for being a part of my life
WR: No matter what, I will love you forever!
**Now take a deep breath or two and proceed to the fourth round of tapping**
EB: It’s time to let it all go
SE: Let it go
UE: Let it go
UN: It’s safe to let it go
CH: I’m safe
CB: All this hurt, all this heartache, all the tears
UA: It’s safe to let it all go
HD: I’m ready to let it go
WR: I’m ready to move on!
**Take a deep breath and say “PEACE”**
Showering you with blessings of a New Year and renewed relationships!
Here is a diagram and explanation of the tapping points. I have also included the areas of the body that are directly affected by tapping these acupressure points.
The Sore Spot (Tender Spot):
You can use the sore spot OR the Karate chop point – I choose the Karate chop point just because it is easier and more convenient. Either one will work fine, it is your preference. If you choose to use the sore spot, this area is located in the upper left or right portions of the chest. Go to the base of the throat about where a man would knot his tie. Poke around in this area and you will find a U shaped notch at the top of your sternum (breastbone). From the top of that notch go down 3 inches toward your navel and over 3 inches to your left (or right). You should now be in the upper left (or right) portion of your chest. If you press vigorously in that area (within a 2 inch radius) you will find a “Sore Spot.” This is the place you will need to rub while saying the affirmation. This spot is sore when you rub it vigorously because lymphatic congestion occurs there.
It is located in the middle of the fleshy part on the outside of the hand between the top of the wrist bone and the base of the baby finger. This point is associated with the small intestine meridian. Tapping here helps relieve the feeling of being stuck or frozen. It helps you to move forward, to let go of the old.
At the beginning of the eyebrow, just above and to one side of the nose and is abbreviated “EB” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the bladder meridian. Tapping here helps release traumas, hurt and sadness.
It can bring a sense of inner peace.
Side of the Eye:
On the bone bordering the outside corner of the eye and is abbreviated “SE” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the gall bladder meridian. Tapping here helps release anger, resentment and fear of change. It helps with clarity, compassion and understanding.
Under the Eye:
On the bone under an eye about 1 inch below your pupil and is abbreviated “UE” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the stomach meridian. Tapping here helps release fear, anxiety, worry, nervousness and disappointment. It helps instill calmness and feeling safe.
Under the Nose:
On the small area between the bottom of your nose and the top of your upper lip and is abbreviated “UN” in the tapping script. This point is the governing meridian. Tapping here helps release shame, guilt, grief, fear of failure. It may help instill self empowerment and self acceptance.
Midway between the point of your chin and the bottom of your lower lip and is abbreviated “CH” in the tapping script. This point is the central meridian. Tapping here helps release confusion, uncertainty and second guessing decisions. It may help instill self confidence and clarity.
This is the junction where the sternum (breastbone), collarbone and the first rib meet. To locate it, first place your forefinger on the U-shaped notch at the top of the breastbone (about where a man would knot his tie). From the bottom of the U, move your forefinger down toward the navel 1 inch and then go to the left (or right) 1 inch. I make a loose fist with either hand and gently tap this area. This point is abbreviated “CB” in the tapping script.This point is associated with the kidney meridian. Tapping here helps release general stress, worry, indecision.It may ease movement forward.
Under the Arm:
On the side of the body, it is about 4 inches below the armpit and is abbreviated “UA” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the spleen meridian. Tapping here helps release guilt, obsessing, worry, hopelessness. It may instill relaxation, and compassion for self and others.
Top of Head:
Tap in a small circular motion on the top of the head. This point is abbreviated “HD” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the “hundred meeting points” meridian. Tapping here helps release the inner critic, lack of focus and gerbil wheel thinking. It may instill insight, spiritual connection, focus and wisdom.
Located below the hand on the underside of your arm. The point where a woman would dab her perfume – tap both wrists together. This point is abbreviated “WR” in the tapping script. This point is associated with the heart, pericardium and lungs. Tapping here helps release sadness, heartache, stress, anxiety and grief.